Wednesday

NEW TESTAMENT ABSURD BIBLE VERSES - Galatians, etc

Galatians

"I wish those who unsettle you would castrate themselves!" 5:12


2 Thessalonians

Satan, not God, is all-powerful. 2:9


1 Timothy

"Neither give heed to fables and endless genealogies." If we follow this
advice we would ignore most of the Bible -- especially the genealogies found
in Gen.10, 1 Chr.1-9, Mt.1, and Lk.3. 1:4

"Hymenaeus and Alexander; whom I have delivered unto Satan, that they may
learn not to blaspheme." Apparently (see 2 Tim.2:16-18 and 4:14-15) their
"blasphemy" was disagreeing with Paul. 1:20

"A bishop must be ... the husband of one wife." Apparently, it's OK for
laymen to have several. 3:2


2 Timothy

"All scripture is given by the inspiration of God." Even Judges 19:22-30 and
Ezek. 23:20? 3:16


Titus

The people of Crete are "always liars, evil beasts, slow bellies." 1:12

"Avoid ... genealogies." Like Gen.10, 1 Chr.1-9, and Lk.3? 3:9


Philemon

"The bowels of the saints are refreshed by thee, brother." 1:7

Paul asks Philemon to receive Onesimus just as though he were Paul's very
"own bowels." 1:12

"Refresh my bowels in the Lord." Amen 1:20


Hebrews

Melchisedec had no father or mother. He just appeared ready-made by God.
7:1-3

The heroes of faith (Samson, Jephthah, David, and Samuel) 11:32


James

James says that, even in his day, all beasts, birds, serpents, and sea
creatures had been tamed by humans. 3:7

2 Peter

The "angels that sinned" are the sons of God that had sex with human females
to produce a race of giants. (See Gen.6:4) 2:4

Noah was the first drunken preacher (Gen.9:20). 2:5

Lot, who in Gen.19:8 offers his two virgin daughters to a crowd of angel
rapers and later(19:30-38) impregnates them, was a "righteous man." 2:8

The author of 2 Peter believes the story in Numbers (22:28-30) about the
talking ass. 2:16


1 John

Christians are washed in the blood of Jesus. 1:7 Ew! Icky!

John thinks he is living in "the last times." He "knows" this because he
sees so many antichrists around. 2:18

Whoever denies "that Jesus is the Christ" is a liar and an antichrist. If
so, then there are about four billion antichrists now living. 2:22

John says that whoever sins is "of the devil." But if what he said in 1:8,
10 is true, then everyone is "of the devil." 3:8

How's this for a big lie? "Whatsoever we ask, we receive of him." 3:22

John says that all spirits that say Jesus is the Christ are of God. If so,
then the "unclean spirits" in Mark's gospel (1:23-24, 3:11, 5:7) must have
been of God. 4:2, 4:15, 5:1

John says that the antichrist was already present at the time 1 John was
written. So Pat Robertson must be wrong when he says the antichrist is a
Jewish man that is alive today. 4:3


Jude

The angels that Jude refers to here are the "sons of God" that had sex with
human females to produce a race of giants. ( See Gen.6:4) 6

Adapted from http://skepticsannotatedbible.com:80/abs/long.htm