Put these to music and sing this selection from the "word of God".
Use them in YOUR church!!!!!
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God has eyelids. 11:4
Smoke comes out of God's nose and fire comes out of his mouth. 18:8
God rides upon cherubs and flies through the sky. 18:10
Those "that seek the LORD shall not want any good thing." (Those who are poor or hungry just aren't seeking God enough.) 34:10
Those who trust in God and do good, will never be hungry. (Those who starve to death didn't trust him or did bad things.) 37:3
If you delight yourself in God, he'll give you whatever you want. 37:4
God's clothes smell like myrrh, aloes, and cassia. In fact, now you can buy a candle that smells just like Jesus! 45:8
Wicked people are wicked from birth -- God made them that way. They tell lies immediately after birth (before they can even talk!). 58:3
"The God of mercy" will let the psalmist see his enemies tormented. 59:10
The psalmist prays that his enemies be tormented and blinded by God. He asks God to "make their loins continually to shake." 69:23-28
God is so strong that he can break the head of dragons and of leviathan (who REALLY existed back then!). 74:13-14
"And he [God] smote his enemies in the hinder parts." (He kicked their ass.) 78:66
"I will make mention of Rahab" Rahab is a sea-demon or dragon from ancient Jewish folklore. 87:4
"Thou hast broken Rahab [the sea monster] in pieces." 89:10
The psalmist has a horn that he'd like God to erect -- "like the horn of a unicorn." (Unicorns REALLY existed back then.) 92:10
"The LORD is thy keeper.... The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night." So believers don't have to bother with sunscreen. God will protect them from sunburn, and moonburn too. 121:5-6
God is in hell. 139:8
Even the dragons praise the Lord. 148:7
Adapted from http://skepticsannotatedbible.com:80/abs/long.htm
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