Wednesday

NEW TESTAMENT ABSURD BIBLE VERSES - Matthew's Gospel

Matthew's Gospel

GENERATIONS

There are 29 generations listed from David to Jesus in Matthew's
genealogy, while Luke's (3:23-31) has 43. Except for David at one end and
Jesus at the other, there are only three names in the two lists that are the
same. 1:6-16

BAPTISM OF JESUS

John has a good point in 3:14. If Jesus is the sinless Son of God,
then shouldn't Jesus be baptizing John instead of the reverse? Isn't baptism
supposed to be a sign of repentance? If so, then why would Jesus need to be
baptized?

TAKING OATHS

Jesus forbids the taking of any kind of oath. Yet Christians in courtrooms
place their right hand on the Bible swear to tell the truth. 5:34-37


SLOT MACHINE GOD

"Ask, and it shall be given you." Mark Twain said there are "upwards of a
thousand lies" in the Bible. But this is probably the biggest. 7:7-8

Whatever you ask for you will receive. (O Lord, won't ya buy me a
Mercedes-Benz?) 21:21-22


DEVILS DWELL IN GOD AND GOD IN THEM

The devils confess that Jesus is the Son of God. According to 1 Jn.4:15
("Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwelleth
in him, and he in God"), then, God dwells in the devils and the devils in
God. 8:29


DON'T USE DOCTORS

"Thy faith hath made thee whole." If you have enough faith, you will never
get sick. (Illness is caused by sin and lack of faith. Medical science is
unnecessary.) 9:22

Jesus gives his disciples "power against unclean spirits, to cast
them out, and to heal all manner of sickness." 10:1

Jesus tells his disciples to perform all the usual tricks: "heal the
sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, and cast out devils." 10:8

JESUS DENIES PETER BEFORE GOD

"Whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my
Father which is in heaven." According to the gospels (Mt.26:69-75,
Mk.14:66-72, Lk.22:55-62, Jn.15:18-27), Peter denied Jesus three times
before men. Therefore Jesus must have denied Peter before God. 10:33

JOHN THE BAPTIST UNSURE

John the Baptist is still not sure about Jesus (he's in prison and is
soon to die). He sends his disciples to ask, "Art thou he that should come,
or do we look for another?" Well, if he isn't sure after seeing and hearing
the events at Jesus' baptism, then how can anyone else be? 11:3


JUDAS SITS ON THRONE TO JUDGE

Jesus tells his apostles, "ye shall sit upon the twelve thrones, judging the
twelve tribes of Israel." I wonder which tribe Judas is judging? 19:28

WALKING ZOMBIES

When Jesus died, "the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints"
arose. But they stayed in their graves until Jesus rose from the dead, when
they began to walk around, appearing to many in Jerusalem. 27:53-54


Adapted from http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/abs/long.htm